The results of my saliva tests came back the other day. Two things jumped out: first, my melatonin levels don’t drop as far as they should mid-day--and actually spike around 11a.m.-12 p.m.--which contribute to stress during that time, dropping my body temperature and putting my body/mind in a manic state. Second, my cortisol levels drop like a brick after I wake up—going to a normal persons “end of the day” level around 11 a.m.; leaving me unable to cope with any kind of stress as the day wears on. It also looks like my adrenal glands (which make the cortisol) are going into overdrive at night and going into fatigue during the day. So this is the physical stuff…how does it affect me inside?
I totally understand alcoholics or at least how they get there…not that I’m anywhere near that. When stress tanks my cortisol levels…it’s the only “safe” thing for my family. Alcohol can turn the switch off so I don’t have the mood swings. Maybe the best thing for them would be for me to leave—at least until I have this all straightened out in my body, but then again leaving would tear them apart so….alcohol (and sleep) are the switch flippers so I can still be here but not be so up and down and sideways in my head.
I know this directly goes against anything a Christian believes, but the “stay in the word, worship and just believe God’s gonna come through”—didn’t help my body make cortisol or help my adrenal glands rest! I needed a Dr’s wisdom to come in and say you need (insert treatment). NO amount of (insert religious method of stress relief) was going to tell me that…and until I had enough symptoms for the Dr to order the tests to be able to tell what was going on in my body—because they don’t listen to you based on a hunch (I tried that!), I needed something else to help medicate my mind so I stayed sane. I tried the B vitamins, I’m now taking a vitamin that helps my body make more serotonin so that I have more resources to combat stress, BUT the only thing that’s going to be a permanent fix is getting the cortisol and giving my adrenal glands a break so they can begin to make it on their own.
I can’t even imagine what would have happened to me or my family had we stayed in ABQ. If this peacefully place can’t help me recover fully from daily stress, I would have completely gone insane in ABQ.
The Dr said the “clawing” in my head was stress. Now I know why…my body can’t even handle the little things without stressing out; much less the physical stress of working out, the emotional stress of broken relationships and not being able to lose weight, and the mental stress of dealing with a teenager on some days. I feel like I’m going crazy on those days-and not the one you joke about “this is driving me crazy”…really thinking I’m going to go crazy—slip inside my mind and never come out, hurt me, leave the family, or scream and shout until I just explode—crazy!
I don’t think anyone understands that.
Even me sometimes, I feel like I should “push through this” or more ‘suck it up”, I’ve always been able to before. Now my body is tanked and can’t do it. Everything you’re ever taught about how to relieve stress is thrown out the window i.e. I can’t workout regularly because cortisol levels will drop too severely and my body can’t handle the stress right now. On days when I “need” to work out to burn the stress energy, I have to make sure I take a nap to rebuild cortisol levels, because if my body exerts the energy to do that, my mind and then my body completely crash. I hate this!
How did it happen? All the studies I’ve read say that when person goes through a time of great stress (i.e. major surgeries, sickness or emotional stress beyond what you can handle normally) it takes a toll on your body. Sometimes your kidneys can’t recover and your adrenal glands go into fatigue—causing you to put out less cortisol. The varying degrees of output obviously coincide with the varying degrees of symptoms. Since my body went through ALL of those things (3 c-sections within 4 years, the sickness where I lost 80lbs—later figuring out I was sensitive to caffeine, which side note here…is a stress on the body—the emotional stress of broken relationships, a ex-best friend (and I don’t let those in lightly) being petty towards me, and other people (friends and husband) who weren’t supportive and didn’t believe what was going on….ALL those things…put my body over the limit.
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