Starting to Get Answers

Again, I find myself apologizing to the Tungsten Fluff fan base for the lack of postings lately.  It’s not that nothing has been going on or that I’m not thinking about anything – quite the opposite, in fact.  However, I haven’t had this much to process in a long time and it’s a bit overwhelming.  My wife has a couple of posts that detail a bit more of what we are going through, her in particular…here’s the link.  I’ll wait here until you come back…

OK.  So like I said, a lot to think about.  The diagnoses make a lot of sense to her and me.  The good things about this are that 1) she got in with one of the best docs in the panhandle and 2) this burden – for lack of a better word – finally has a name that she/we can fight.

I’m an engineer and engineers fix things (among other stuff but stick with me) by doing A, B and C steps in a certain order.  When I think I’ve done A, B, C and D - ad infinitum - and the result isn’t what I think it should be I get frustrated.  The fact that it has to do with Julie, my other half, has made finding a solution even more urgent.  This is going to sound bizarre but I’m asking God how exactly He fits into this right now.  Where He fits in the spectrum of suffering has always been debated and I've got two or three post ideas on suffering and personal responsibility and grace...quite a mix, I know.

So I was reminded on Sunday that, “when I’ve done all I know to do, stand.” (Ephesians 6 paraphrase)  Apologies to all the teachers who have taught the “Armor of God” lesson in the last 17 years but for some reason it stuck that time.

Maybe that’s what I need to learn in this is really trust God to help Julie, and us by extension, instead of just giving him lip service and trying to do it myself.

Comments

[Robert Pooley]

Definitely praying for you guys... and we are standing with you.

[pete]

I love y'all & am praying for y'all. For me, I have come to find that my faith is not about finding answers, fixing things or making god move. For me, faith is not knowing "why", yet moving forward anyway. I miss the days when God & the world around me were as simple as black & white. Faith seemed to be so much easier then. But, faith is not truly proven until it walks through the mucky gray of life and remains resolute. Stand, pray, believe & thank God for the total healing while acknowledging and addressing the symptoms that are in front of you.