Tungsten Fluff

Emergent Kid?

Sixth grade has been emotionally tough for my 12-year-old daughter.  Friendships that seemed bulletproof just a year ago have morphed into simple acquaintances; the only evidence of their existence being the wacky photos in her scrapbook.  She’s made new friends – I’d say better ones – over the last couple of months but she’s a gentle soul and prone to drama.  I’ve spent many nights talking with her about it as I tuck her in, trying to give her some perspective and balance.

Last night we talked about a boy friend of hers who is moving from yet another foster home to boot camp.  He’s an angry kid who’s been passed around since he was little and taken from his drug-abusing parents.  My little girl is an empathizer and when she asked about his recent change of dress and negative demeanor, he told her about his situation.  She responded with, “Wow…that’s really sad.  I’ll be praying for you.  God loves you, you know.”  To which he said, “Yeah, that’s what all you crazy Christians say.”  And stormed off.  The other kids kind of blew off the exchange and didn’t say much more about it.

So I told her I was proud of her for stepping out like that but she was bewildered by his response.  Like she thought the mere mention of God’s love would turn his life around on the spot.  I asked her to think about the idea of God loving him through her and suggested that she simply ask him to talk then listen.  Be his friend.  Care.  Don’t even mention God unless he brings Him up.

Her eyes lit up for a second then dimmed just as abruptly.

“If I do that, then everyone will think I like him…and I don’t…at least not like that.  They’ll start talking about me and him.”

Then I quoted Jesus.  “Jesus said if we followed him we would be persecuted.  That doesn’t just mean that people will make fun of us for carrying a bible or praying over our meals.  It will probably happen when we care enough about hurting people to do something to help them, too.”

I asked her, “Think about what happened yesterday.  You did the Christian thing: told him God loves him and that you’d pray for him.  Was he very receptive to that?”

“No,” she said.

“And did any of your friends make fun of you for saying that?”

“Well, no.”

“But if you just offered to talk and listen…” trying to get her to see.

“He’d probably be OK with that.  But everyone might talk about us…but I think I get it.”

I’m really looking forward to tonight’s debrief.

What's in a Name?

A couple of months ago, we went out to eat after church and ran into another family from our church. Actually, my wife got there before me and they struck up a short conversation. They visited church the previous year and I met them on their first visit. I remember asking their names, shaking hands and talking briefly. The wife told me that one of them was surprised and pleased when they returned the next week and I spoke to them again, called them by name and asked about their family members by name too. They mentioned those incidents as part of their decision to join the church. They’ve been coming faithfully since then and I love seeing and talking to them when we’re together.

At the time, I was reading a little paperback called How To Start A Conversation and Make Friends by Don Gabor. That sounds kinda sad, huh… Not because I was short on friends – I’m good once I get to know you and we hang out. The initial meet & greet always seems to get me. Fortunately, it’s a skill you can learn and practice. Learning names was the particular skill I was trying to develop at that time and, being truly interested in meeting church visitors, I ‘practiced’ on them. Their discussion with my wife a year later showed it paid off for them, me and the church.

The restaurant conversation got me thinking.

Our previous home church was pretty large; the 1200 seat auditorium meant we had plenty of visitors each week. The weekly alter calls were supported by a diligent prayer team who would lead new converts back to a room where they would talk about Jesus and give them some materials. We had a healthy small-group program and one-on-one discipleship in place to facilitate growth.

This is pretty standard in American evangelical/non-denominational churches and it’s a good idea. However, on more than one occasion, the senior pastor wondered out loud why most of the newly converted never returned or, when they did, only stayed for a little while before disappearing.

Well, after our move, I got a taste of what it’s like to visit on Sunday and my perspective changed considerably. We visited 7 different churches and, while welcomed at each, I realized how people who are searching might feel anonymous or lost in the crowd. What made a difference was someone asking my name and showing interest in me personally; where we were from, how did we get here, etc.

Jesus was like that. He called his disciples personally. He took the time to get to know them one-on-one. He says he numbers the hair on our head. It’s recorded in John 10:27 that Jesus said, “My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me.” (nine different translations all agree word-for-word).

He knows us. Reverend Dan Smith sang, “Jesus knows my name. He knows where I live. He knows everything ‘bout me.”

Now, if we are to be like Jesus, we could start by learning how to meet people. It’s uncomfortable for a lot of folks, I know. More often than not, I don’t do it and I should.

So here’s the technique. Four steps to be more like Christ…and learning the names of his sheep.

1) Introduce yourself.
2) Focus as they say their name back.
3) Repeat their name and mentally associate it with something or someone familiar.
4) After talking for a bit, end the conversation by using their name again.

Example with real-time thoughts in italics:

“Hi! How are you? I’m Wolfram.” OK, here come the names. Get ready…

“Hi Wolfram. Nice to meet you. I’m Brad and this is my wife Sharon.” Easy associations there: Brad Sherwood from Who’s Line and Ozzy's wife is Sharon. This is the time to get clarification if you miss it.

“Brad. Sharon. Great to meet you both. Is this your first time visiting?"

And so on until it’s wrap-up time. Then I say something like:

“Brad, Sharon. It’s been good talking with you. I hope you enjoy church with us today.”

Easy, right? Think of how cool it is that Jesus calls us by name. And we get to be like him.

Destined to Win

Well last night it became apparent that we were destined to win the tailgaing competition.  The group offered us the "winners basket" and inside was this.

So if you see me cranking Shirley Caesar in traffic, you'll know why.

Enjoy some original Five Blind Boys of Alabama:

Jesus Sighting!

I saw Jesus on Sunday. And no, he wasn’t on a piece of toast.

But now that I have your attention...

A young couple were in service on Sunday morning with their two new baby girls and their story really moved me. Basically, the husband received a comment on his blog on Wednesday asking for prayer for a family member who had just delivered twin girls. He immediately moved into action with the words, “We’ll take them.” Wow. Within a day, he and his wife flew from Kansas City to New Orleans and drove to Pensacola. By Saturday, they had met with the mom, signed the papers and had the girls in hand on Sunday morning. I’m leaving out a lot of stuff, obviously. You can read the play-by-play on his blog starting here. A couple of things about their story were really motivating.

First, he said that over 4000 babies are aborted in the USA each day because nobody wants them. The church, he stated, could not say a thing about abortion with credibility until we show that we are willing to take those kids in and love them as our own. Jesus in the flesh. It doesn't get more real than that.

The second idea that struck me – and stuck with me – was the preparedness they walked in. Not only were they in the place to hear from God on this, they had their resources lined up to act on no notice. This isn’t just money – they have an amazing network of real people available to help them out with one call. Now, I didn’t get a word from God to go adopt any babies...yet. I’ve been through it once and I do agree with Randy that adoption policy needs to be streamlined considerably. Even though I was (am) married to the mom, it was still an expensive and lengthy process.

However, I did get a healthy amount of conviction about the state of my personal spending, motivation to get rid of what personal debt I still have and take stock of my priorities and rearrange some things. I don’t expect to go adopt another baby, or two, but I should be able to lend support on a moment’s notice to someone who will. All of this just confirmed a lot of the stuff I’m reading in Dave Ramsey’s book.

One component of the prosperity message that I like is the idea that God can pour resources through us to get them to the people who need them. Is there a conflict between Jesus’ prayer that the Father “Give us this day our daily bread,” (Matthew 6:11) and Paul’s statement that “God is able to make all grace abound to you so that in all things, at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.” (II Corinthians 9:8)?

I don’t think so.

God’s plan is that we act as His hands and feet to love and help other people. It’s not a stretch to say He should be able to use my salary and checkbook too if he needs it.

Jesus walking in us and among us. Cool

If you want to send some cash to the Bohlenders to help out with these beautiful new girls, go here.

Worship Channel...

We were listening to a worship mix on our trip out to Sam's Club last night.  I forgot how good this song is.  Enjoy...

Video Goodness

Two excellent videos from church this morning:

First, a localized version of Chris Tomlin's God of This City. Featuring pictures from around the Pensacola area:

And Craig Groeschell's interview with Satan about the church...classic stuff:

Experiences Being Real

Most of the blogs I read tend in the direction of people who are tired of church or who have left the church but still profess faith in Christ or try to walk out their faith outside the structure of the organization.  I'm not sure if I agree with all of their conclusions and I mainly read them to get an idea of what is going on in their heads and what their experiences have been.  Based on some of the experiences I've read, I don't blame them one bit...but I digress.

I've written about being real before and am still trying to walk this out.  A couple of examples from the last few weeks have yielded surprising results.

I have a friend that is going through a hard time right now.  His wife was layed off last month and they are struggling.  He emailed me last week and vented about how nobody seems to want know how he is really doing and even wondered if God gave a flip.  I stuffed my usual inclination to quote chapter and verse and responded with a candid note that told him that God cared and could handle his heaven-directed anger while most people could not.  He called today to tell me how encouraged he was by it.  Cool.

My wife went to the women's small group at church last week for the first time and decided to let down her guard.  She voiced some honest concerns over family issues and, instead of getting pat answers, she got some affirmation of her feelings and some real direction from the ladies on how to handle it.  Nice.

On the flip side, I talked with a guy at work about the shootings at New Life and YWAM.  It segued into a comment about how, a long time ago, his church-going neighbors in Ohio invited his children to go to church with them.  My friend is a non-church-goer.  He said the brimstone message was so freightening to his kids that, to this day, they will not step foot in a church.  Now that one episode didn't lead to this life-long pattern, I know.  But it didn't do much to nudge the trend in a Godly direction, now did it?

Hey...it's that time of year...how about Winter Wonderland by Stryper...you know you want too...

Questions

I remember a statement by Paul Coughlin in No More Christian Nice Guy.  In giving some practical advice for assertively dealing with people and he says, “The one who asks the questions owns the conversation.”  Earlier I mentioned that I was re-reading through the Gospels at Coughlin’s suggestion and examining how Jesus interacted with people.  I was surprised to find Jesus ask so many questions in just one chapter.  Here’s a sampling from Mark chapter 8:

“How many loaves do you have?” v5

He sighed deeply and said, “Why does this generation ask for a miraculous sign?” v12

“Why are you talking about having no bread?  Do you still not see or understand?  Are your hearts hardened?  Do you have eyes but fail to see, and ears but fail to hear?  And don’t you remember?  When I broke the five loaves for five thousand, how many basketfuls of pieces did you pick up?” v17-19

“And when I broke the seven loaves for the four thousand, how many basketfuls of pieces did you pick up?” v20

“Do you still not understand?” v21

“Do you see anything?” v23

“Who do people say I am?” v27

“But what about you?  Who do you say I am?” v29

“What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul?” v36

“Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?” v37

I counted 27 sentences in red in Mark 8 in my NIV.  Of those, 16 – more than half - are questions.  The following chapter contains 7 more.

I know most of the time I am more concerned with answering questions than asking them.  Why?  Well, Questions challenge.  They upset the non-confrontational flow of interaction that I crave.  Questions make people think.

It’s not that Jesus didn’t have the answers, he just saw greater value in making those around him look inside themselves to examine their own perspectives.  When I read the questions above by themselves – without the context of the narrative – that’s what I see:  Jesus challenging people to work to see the Kingdom in action around them.

Maybe we shouldn’t be as concerned with giving answers as helping people find them.

Thoughts on Saving Grace

Julie and I are down to watching three TV shows: Fox’s House and TNT’s Monday night offerings The Closer and Saving Grace.  The latter TNT show is new and was hyped a lot as the premier approached but nothing could quite prepare us for what we experienced.  For those who don’t know, Holly Hunter stars as Grace Hanadarko, an Oklahoma City police detective who cries out to God for help in a moment of potentially life-altering crisis.  She gets a divine answer in the form of Earl (Leon Rippy), a tobacco-chewing, last-chance angel who is sent to guide Grace into right-standing with God.  The crime aspect is just a framework which supports the main theme of redemption.

I’ll start by saying this is not a family show.  It’s rated MA for a reason.  There’s enough drinking, sex, “bad” language, and borderline nudity to cause the entire evangelical movement to reflect on Baywatch in a good light.  Hunter’s Grace has sex with her married police partner, she drinks heavily, she lies, she drives drunk in her dirty mid-80’s model Porsche 911, she sleeps around and more.  On the plus side, she loves her family and is intensely loyal to her friends and coworkers.  She is a decent cop, too.  Hunter portrays Grace well as a hyper-passionate individual.  One reason the show works for me is that it doesn’t shy away from the downside to her bad choices; the hangovers, the awkwardness following a one-night-stand with a coworker (or two), the way her lies entangle and entrap, how she nearly killed someone while driving drunk.  She is a product of her painful past, her hollow present and the influence of ‘lost-ness’ around her.  It is into this darkness that Earl speaks in a deep western drawl.  Despite the adult-oriented drama, I saw some gems hidden deep in the script; if you look close enough you’ll see them too:

- It shows God pursuing us even at our worst.  Lost people are valuable to Him.

- It portrays God (through Earl) as interested in the condition of our souls.  He sees sinful behavior as a symptom of a deeper sickness and proceeds to treat the sickness directly, not the symptom(s).

- It presents something I have long believed: people know they are fallen – they don’t need to be told that - and develop an attitude of, “Well, there’s no point in pretending I’m not a wretch so let’s go all the way with it.”

Grace asked Earl a pointed question early in the series, “What do you want me to do, go to church?”  I found myself asking this too.  Normal church just doesn’t seem like a solution here.  Grace has a Catholic priest for a brother whose faith is more regimented than substantial.  One episode involved a stereotypical Christian teen complete with the Got God? t-shirt, WWJD bracelet, Bible-in-hand and a Christianese vocabulary.  Neither the teen nor her brother seemed to offer any direction.  In one scene, her paramour leaves and Grace turns in the entryway to stumble on a pile of Bibles.  She looks around to see that Earl has filled the house with religious artifacts from around the world.  Some may be turned off since this implies an equality of faiths but I saw it as a presentation of religious futility.  What good would a Buddha or Shiva statue or even a KJV Bible do for this lost sheep?  She needs real relationship and, since no humans seem willing, her angel steps in to fill the gap.  A couple of episodes close with Grace and Earl either sitting quietly together outside or preparing to watch some TV and eat pizza together.

It’s sad that most of the bad reviews of the show are from evangelicals who dismiss this genuine presentation of a lost person as garbage or smut.  I think this is exactly the kind of character that we need to see.  Don’t get me wrong; I don’t think the church needs more nudity or cussing.  For too long, I was afraid to interact with unchurched people because I didn’t want them to negatively influence me.  What I have discovered is that those unchurched people needed me to take Christ to them – instead of waiting for them to come to me - much like he did himself when he was here.  Had I become so disassociated from the real lives of the unchurched, or even the de-churched, that I just didn’t care any more?

I guess what I am trying to convey is that we, like Jesus, should be willing to go to hurting people where they are and bring the love of God to them.  Saving Grace is a shocking, but compelling reminder of the situation that many folks around us are in every day.  Instead of being repulsed by it, why not watch and allow ourselves to be moved with compassion for the real walking wounded we encounter daily who need to know God still cares?

Church shopping

One of my first posts was about finding a church home after our move.  Well, I found this today (hat tip to thewearypilgrim).  Sometimes we liken life here in the Navarre Metroplex to King of the Hill...

OK...our experience wasn't quite like this but it really had it's moments!